Second Life skin specialists Skincredible have announced a revolutionary range of emergency skin grafts for women whose arses have been rendered almost completely unusable by years of repeated butt slaps. The breakthrough treatment follows growing concern over what experts are calling a “silent epidemic” among female avatars who have been unable to attend a club, shopping event or vaguely social gathering since 2013 without somebody walking up behind them and absolutely twatting them on the arse.
“People think it's harmless,” said Skincredible spokesperson Freckles Beaumont, “but some of these women have been slapped on the backside fourteen thousand times since 2017. “There is only so much BOM can do.”
The problem is believed to be particularly acute in clubs, where friends apparently cannot say hello without running across the dancefloor and delivering an open-handed blow to each other's buttocks with sufficient force to restart a Vauxhall Astra.
Second Life resident Seraphina Vortex, 58, is among the first to receive treatment after doctors discovered there was almost nothing left of her original backside. “I've got one friend, Roxie, who does it every single time she sees me,” Serpahina said. “She doesn't say hello, she just walks over and absolutely fucking lamps me. Sometimes I haven't even rezzed.”
Seraphina estimates she receives between twelve and eighteen butt slaps during an average night out, rising to approximately forty if somebody has a rezday.
“It got to the point where I'd hear the animation start and instinctively clench my mesh.” Surgeons eventually identified more than 11,000 individual impacts dating back to Seraphina's first mesh body.
Some were so severe they had apparently survived three body upgrades, two skin changes and a complete switch to BOM. “There was one from a woman called Lexi in 2018 that had gone right through to the alpha layer,” said a visibly shaken specialist. "We don't normally see damage like that outside Gor.”
Skincredible's new graft procedure involves removing healthy pixels from an avatar's upper back and transplanting them directly onto the affected buttock.
For more serious cases, replacement skin can be harvested from unused areas beneath system underwear, although surgeons warn that some patients now require an entirely new arse. The premium BümRepair™ package also includes bruising correction, alpha reconstruction and an emergency left-cheek replacement.
The grafts are guaranteed to withstand up to 6,000 standard slaps, 2,500 “playful spanks” and approximately nine impacts from the particularly aggressive animation where somebody appears to take a twenty-yard run-up.
Virtual dermatologist Dr Autumn Starlight warned residents not to underestimate the cumulative effects. “One butt slap is annoying, five hundred is tissue damage, ten thousand and you're essentially sitting on two badly upholstered footballs.”
Doctors say the problem could be significantly reduced if Second Life residents adopted alternative methods of greeting each other. “If your friend has just arrived at a club, you can simply say, ‘Hi,’” Dr Starlight explained. “You don't actually have to strike her arse so hard she moves three metres towards the DJ.”
Recovery from a graft takes approximately six weeks, during which patients are advised to avoid clubs, beaches, shopping events, photographers, birthday parties and anybody whose profile contains the words “gonna cut a bitch.”
Serpahina's surgery was declared a complete success on Thursday afternoon. Doctors described her new buttocks as “practically factory condition” and warned repeatedly that another significant impact could jeopardise the graft. Three minutes after leaving the clinic, she bumped into Roxie.
SLAP!
Serafina flew three metres across the concourse. She got up, returned to reception and quietly took a ticket. “Left cheek,” she said. “Same place as last time.”